This few days i have been thinking a lot alot, does Barclay love me? I dont think so, if he loves me he would have ask me why did i ended up in hospital. Instead of just msg me and scold me for the things that i asked him as far back as thursday on the fb matter saying that i was stalking him intruding his privacy. Is it wrong to look at the person that u love fb? Is it wrong to find out more info ? Unless he doesnt want me to know anything about him at all.

I asked him does he want to end all this his reply to me was no. And now he ignore me all the way. I feel damn disappointed and heart broken after all these, no one cares wtf happens to me even i die at the roadside.

Goodbye dearest Barclay

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wake up..

Joy wake up this is not gona work u are not part of his life he has no time for u

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who should i turn to ?

Dear blog, i wish i could be stronger but it seems that i just cant do it. It has been 3 weeks since i last saw him.

I really starts to wonder is he really not into me or he is just plain fucking busy? I have no idea i dont know anymore.

Yesterdat plus today there are no msgs from him. I am really really sad. I cant show that i am clingy, yet i miss him...

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don't u miss me at all?

He don't appears to miss me.. he comes back or reach other places. Maybe what i asked of him is too much.. he doesnt have time for me ... even he has free time it is on his own.. with him without him feels the same.. i like him v much but whats the use ? I dont know how does he feels abt me..

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drifting and floating around

I learnt alot of new things i cannot show my insecurities towards him because he will nver get it the fact that he asked how was i the next day of the hospital trip really really makes me v sad. Even as friends u would ask if someone goes hospital u would normally ask o why u go hospital o are u ok ? On the day itself, maybe he is just not so into me i guess. Even if he has free time he would spent it on his own instead with me. He has no time for me, every time he will be going overseas to work. I know work is very busy sometimes he will just disappear like that for a day? Or sometimes he disappear for 3 days striaght. To him patience is everythig yea, but he doesnt show his affection for mewhy does it just feel that a month r/s was as if a r/s that lasted for a year and start to loose it's flame? Hot and cold..

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Insecure~

This whole week infact i have been thinking, should i just quit the game and just disappear on him?
I am really confused on what is our status now, I wassap him and told him i feel insecured.. his answer was "lol" *sigh* next day when he is back to sg he msg me and says.. if things works out well wedding bells will ring, but if it doesn't then we will go separate ways..

God, I really like him very much but he is just so passive. I met up with Gloria, she gave me some tips and advice. lots of thoughts running thru my head.. being in a r/s requires alot of effort to make it bloom and grow, i doubt he has time for me as he is a frequent flyer.

He is going to fly off again tml, i do not know seriously when do i get to see him again.
am i in a long distant r/s or something i think so ...

I missed him i really do...

Past few days, i have been thinking it doesn't the duration of how long i have been with him or perhaps i was rushing into a r/s ? I am not sure of wtf i want any more everything was just like a twister came and go in split  seconds. he went overseas on Sunday early in the morning.. reach le didn't msg me.. I went to stalk him in meanwhile, i don't understand. i msged him in wassapp and he just reply me with lol and a google map of where is he.. and for the next 4 days no news anymore .. totally no communication with him.. 

But why is it that he can be so bz w/o returning my wassap msg and yet he is able to go online to that dating site ? this is really puzzling. 

I am just like a zombie now, my physical body is here yet my soul is not here in office working anymore. 

half the time i am thinking of him. waiting for his wassapp. sigh is it really worth it ? I am not sure anymore.

Maybe i am just a toy in his eyes, I really do like him alot but i am not sure of his feelings for me. Perhaps he doesn't even care about me. Yes in a way i am very afraid, of going into a r/s because I really want someone to love me... yet i couldn't find any .. 

Simple dream, yet hard to achieve. If this r/s doesn't work out then i rather not to go into any more r/s anymore. I am tired... really tired. . .