why is it always coming back to bug me?

I don't know ever since when that phase kept spinning ard at the back of my head..

I can't remember when it started but i rememberer how it started.

this bloody phase that i will never forget .. until now..

"friends are not suppose to work together."

this phase just hurt me so much over and over again each time that things that doesn't goes well

in the work area.. this phase just pops out ..

I can't take it i just broke down and cried today in the office.

ranting post

these few phases kept spinning inside at the back of my head "friends are not suppose to work together." "你那里不爽？” "don't talk like this u are exaggerating things" past few days it has been haunting right beside me.

all these things that u did to me i will not say nor i would reflect it out, yes we are friends but as a friend i do not wish to lose u but yet u have hurt me deep inside. really really really deep it is as good as a knife stabbed deep into the heart and it was bleed to death.

What can i say ? everything u think u are doing it the right thing the right way, i am just someone who always do the things that are wrong. Yes sometimes i do admit that i do the wrong things, but hey i can't relate to u anymore reason ? Because when i told u my intention wasn't unhappy u just said my tone of voice is incorrect. u didn't want to believe me it was a question.

times when i was stressed, told me my bf tells me friends were not suppose to work together it's the truth. The moment i heard that suddenly i feel so sad and it doesn't make sense to me anymore because u were the one who pulled me out of the roots of the comfort zone and now tell me friends are not suppose to work together. what is this man? u are contradicting urself.

too many things happen.. too much already .. i don't even know do i know u well ? or u have just changed to another person ? or do i know u at all ?

Yes i love Loli , i love going to events that doesn't mean that when i say i am broke u tell me that keep buying loli items and such. past 3 mths i had stopped completely buying loli items and such. stop saying all those things to me anymore.

sometimes i think back do u feel how i feel ? do u even have any empathy towards other ppl ?

or do u just simply think about yourself and just start talking w/o thinking about how u are gona hurt people with ur words ?

I am going broke.

Yea, ranting post time. I am broke damn broke no matter what i am still owing ppl money

i really regret switching over to current job why? because every month my $ is always not enough

1st it was my trip to over sea i took a loan with grandma 500 bucks than what another 50 bucks because late of payment to hp bills and i haven't pay the internet bills. omg la.

i went clubbing, i owe my friend $. better still this mth need to see doc i really dunnoe anymore.

wtf doc expenses when the fuck can i stop seeing the damn doc my money is like being sucked by him. sibeh sian i am owing the whole world $.

haiz. from the last job i loose 1000 over dollars. till now everything is still not recovering.

when will my money grow again?

sian sian sian

some rdm thoughts in my head today, have all my friends in my life changed?

or is it because joy is extreamly nice nice to make use? or are u really treating me as a friend?

for a while i thought i could really make friends outside but looks like i was damn wrong

ppl make use of me, be it in games , external events they just find that whenever they need help

i would be obliged to help them. why is it so ? because i look like a trustworthy person and u can bully me?

come on i am a person, i have feelings u think u want to throw me aside cast me away and that's it.

let me tell u, u are so wrong because u loose me as a friend.

Why ? i treat u with respect and everything and u just want to chuck it aside. u want to turn ur face away from me than turn away ... fine don't come and find me for help because in my heart u are already those kind of person who will only come to me when u need help when u dun need help u will put me aside u can even don't talk to me.

dun expect me to ask u out anymore because u fly me aeroplane most of the time u can might as well be a pilot.

urgh stress

damn it i never realised current company have so much stress.. ahaha it's ok i must remain positive so that i have the motivation to go work. yes it is stress now what? stress from school
wtf i have 4 project and 1 final project ~ WTF when do i have the time to go and write them ?!
omg omg omg i am dying soon le la 9th day on work.. things are starting to go on track
well hopefully ~ i can stay long in this job just that plenty of things i gotta becareful of
check my work over and over again to ensure i get the correct things done ~

sigh stress ~

sob sob

started work 3 days .. my thoughts monsterous.. never ending.. i filed alot of docs. until i want to cry .. went for exam today. i wana cry from after work but i didn't i questioned myself alot of times.. have i made the correct choice going over to Lisa side? because to me from what i see is
i am more of a hinderance than help to Lisa.. i dunnoe .. i might get what i wanted .. an office job
but still i don't know what i want. I know this is a good opputunity but haiz..
yes look at it this way Boss is nice but things is like overloaded .. i am stressed and at the same time depressed.. 1. i can't see my family members.. 2. i can't do alot of things ..
but if i dun stay there and finish my things i will never gona finish it on time ..
I am very stressed.. VERY.. omg can God pls help me gimme wisdom?

Evelyn knows that i quitted retail line.. she popped a question in my head.. u are not getting any younger.. think abt ur future.. what kind of life do u want? if u dun wana work in the retail line anymore than why are u taking up this course? and is office really what u wanted ? because it is a really different enviroment ..

Let me have a different taste of enviroment for a while.. ever since ITE till now i was actively looking for an office admin type of job but no one wants me to work for them..
now i have the chance and boss is kind enough to let me learn in her company she even wants to bring me along for company trip to thailand..

mixed feeling`

The feeling i had today when i am leaving this company was like the senerio is just like sebastian telling ciel ~ ehh those are the beautiful memories for u .. ciel replied those are beautiful..
for the last time .. i am ending what i was supposed to do everyday .. i know in my heart after today i won't have to go back to funan anymore.. Good bye funan .. good bye to those whom i see everyday .. today will be the last yea.. for the past 7 yrs so many things happened in the company .. i met alot of new ppl .. alot of nasty colledgues as well

4 yrs in funan i met ppl who taught me alot of things .. 4 yrs is not short neither it is long ..
but .. yea 4 yrs .. experiance alot of thing.. it became part of me every morning there would be
coffee .. and bread .. and everything .. x.x UrGH i hate it .. the memories .. haiz ..

memories are nice but they are memories esp the Bishan memories .. those are the really memorable ones ..

part of me wants to leave the company .. part of me refused to leave the company..
wtf .. why am i so mixed .. but for sure i dun wana go back because i dun wana spoil the
nice memories abt the place i used to work in..

i feel very sad .. for no reason haiz .

days are getting nearer and nearer

Alright, i have tender not serving my notice what's next? i am going to go missing in action on 16th

i don't care wtf is going on. 1. i am sick of this place . 2. i am really really sick of this place 3. i am fucking sick of this place _l_ this time it will not fail because if i fail and back fire

2 person is gona kill me. 1st would be Jill 2nd person would be Joanne x.x omg la

the 2 Js and i am the 3rd J - Joy x.x

well ~ these few days i don't have mood to work there anymore. Joanne and Jill said the same thing eh dun give a shit might as well don't go to work and start directly at Jill's office.. i can't reason is because .. i already promised manager .. that no matter what i will finish 15 of this mth ..

after 15 my conscience is clear because i already had told her wth is going on..

x.x i am feeling damn stress reason is because alot of things going thru my head .. now the thing is not abt to quit or not to quit . The thing now is .. am i able to fit into Jill's company ? and am i able to do well .. i have high expectation of myself it is not am i able to survive but am i able to do the job well? x.x because of this alot of times i have this stupid idea of dropping sch ..

i can't ~ if i were going back to the sch again .. next time .. which i have no idea (IF) than i would have to pay 3k instead of 300 bucks x.x as a penalty .. wth loh ..

HAIZ i dunnoe anymore le .. God pls save me ~ T.t

Happiest day of my life

Life was never so happy ^.^ i had never felt so happy before ~ i told Wendy abt working w/o giving notice ~ some ppl say penalty 1 mth salary so.. i said .. i didn't feel like working for this company anymore because i feel very upset.

Times and times again too many time infact, i have been pushed by mad woman kicked ~

scolded for no reason. i had it enough from the first day of work she was there like a step mother

keep scolding me. The first time i will never forget ~ for the whole of one week i had depression

and hair loss she kept making me feel that i was so useless ~ when the crowd arrived long queues formed she will tell me to step out and clear cups instead of asking me to learn how to deal with the queue. Initially i thought i would continue to be like this for the rest of my life in this job.

she kept scolding me because she is jealous when i talked to Mr marvin tan our ex manager

in fact i told him pls xfer me to other places like toa payoh la i really don't want to work here any more ~ i cried when i requested for transfer.

things for a while i thought got better but i was wrong beginning of this year ard March ? i am not sure because it was a while back ~ while she was working overtime .. i answer the phone another colledgue asked me ehh do u know there is this this this promotion than i said ehh i dunnoe orh after than she said on the phone oo u muz know le ok ? coz today start le.

Mad woman instantly came running behind me grab the phone away from me tell me what u shit u don't know? DIDN'T i tell u ? than she Pushed me away Very hard because i was crying infront of the counter .. I won't forget that day she challanged me Go and tell Wendy la.

yes i did had my revanged i went to tell Wendy ~ i told her what happen i cried and cried ..

it didn't help much even if she tell her to change but that is part of her already so yes i was being pushed.

so for the next few mths everything is peaceful i thought o how good it is .. no i was wrong

some body back stab me behind my back . yes told her that i over cooked the eggs and when she saw me over boil eggs that day yes that faithful sat 31/7/10 she pushed me again.

this time .. i told myself.. yayaya Joy Lee this would be the last time u are gona be pushed u are not gona be pushed again by her ever.

I got an Job offer , interesting boss and the interview was like 5 mins? and i got hired .

i was battling weather to give 1 mth notice anot but the new boss asked me 2 weeks to settle ur thing is it ok? because i am shortage of man power xD.

why i am so happy today ? It is because i am freed from that demon at my work place ,

i do not need to face her anymore.. and I HATE HER hahaha..

apart from the last time i got my current job this time is the 2nd time i felt so happy.

damn u

DAMN U , fk sia if u dun wana say sry dun say it u sound ultra fake . pls go and die thank u

i have quit all the related ysl club shit and shit blah blah -.-

damn u damn u dun pick up the call no sms nothing o i see because i am not pretty so

u treat ur friend this way ? i see ur true colour now so u and the other males outside the world

is the same no difference

like i care ?

fking kido

sat, went out with the hime sama i can't go to B.A outing the teh parteh wth because all the leave spammed -.- -__- yea there goes my tea parteh well what ever the case i still manage to catch up with the lovely lolis guess what .. after we had the dinner i suggest taking neo prints ..

and there all the major shit happen.. first of all angie and the other hime took the neo prints

either their face kana cut off half / their face disappear !! haha.. nvm .. so we took the other machine .. the result was perfect :D after the pics were distributed the rest were saying that it was late and all rushing home. Miao and i were like hey let's take one more time and Miao actually agreed :X so that's where the major shit begin while we were taking pic there is a bunch of freaking kiddo at the side of another machine playing , at first i thought they just accidentally throw the bottle cap and hit my skirt so it was still not so bad we continue decorating the pic etc ,, the kiddo outside the machine threw in the 2nd time the bottle cap so i thought urgh they were playful accidents again well *shugs* continue drawing .. Finally last staw came one of the fking kiddo just threw in the whole bottle into the machine commenting hey stupid bitch u wear until like that just to take neo print , the 2 cute cute one take what neo print ?

LAST STRAW F*** u kiddo , i finish deco i threw the pen i went out SCREAM at them ^.^

yes u never read it wrong i went out to scream at them _#*#%&)@#(#_@$

all those 3 words 4 words 5 words hokkien language because in the first place they did that to me too. if they dare to do anything to be i can't think any more at that moment i would have just bash them up i seriously do not care who the f*** are u . Do not provoke me in the first place, because Joy is not in a good mood.

Freaking early in the morning 4 plus abt 5

wake up just to pack the cosmatic items ,

Lolita items for later use in the end the person

who requested me to help him for make up

flew me airplane damn u -.-

before i went home i was being pushed by mad woman at work place

manager saw wtf was going on i do not know if she did talk to her

one day when it is my last straw i will throw my apron

tell this in her face DAMN u fucker u think this job very nice ah

and will not report to work any more hack if they want to deduct my money

because i had it enough so epic 3 things happen in a row yea.

kiddo's case was the most furious things that ever happen so far.

I'm outta my mind today

yea as the title meantion .. i am on my max cap outta my mind even challenged a uncle to go and complain me. reason why ? because i didn't even do any shit to agitate him the moment he sees me

he just nag and nag and nag saying that i didn't see him in the queue .Wtf i mean the bloody damn queue is so long and u are day dreaming along the line not queueing how would i know the next thing i know was another person standing infront of me and by the time i serve him he start to nag nag nag nag . At first i tried to ignore him and smile at him after a while he start to NAG EVEN MORE. fk it and say why so slow and things like that nvm the best thing is he said that i am so big, fat and he dun wish to see my face . execuse me ? does fat / big / fat arse have anything to do with customer service at counter front ? I got so pissed and i say Ehh uncle no nid to wait no nid to queue ah ? serve u only la ? than he say oo i dunnoe DAMN him i tell u DAMN HIM than he say u dun be rude i know ur boss , i got really pissed to the max le OK LOR PLS GO AHEAD AND COMPLAIN ME go LA -.- like i care ? if one day i got fired i would be so happy why ? because i already loose intrest in this job too many disappointment too many times and things that happen no one is there to help me in the work. Do i need to say more?

yea looking forward to YSL's K session with miao and everyone else. well in a way something sux not ysl but things in life ... yea.. can't write much here. hahhaa

ppl just love to make use of me , when i am useless they just throw me aside fail to appreciate me learnt my lesson the hard way. Got use come to me no use just turn their back against me fine

from now on Joy will not be the nice miss joy again she will turn into a devil.

she will not be soft hearted towards certain things anymore, call me a person who doesn't care abt other ppl's feeling than does others care abt how i feel ? nope. they just hurt me even more

i just wish to isolate myself. . i dun really know what i am doing already i am lost i am no longer myself sometimes because i just want to please everyone thinking that things will just be the way as it is but i am damn damn wrong T.T i end up being sucked dried like a piece of salted fish hanging in the air.

Miao asked me to let go of all those things i can't i wish i can but i can't part of me hatred is boiling and awakening i am going to become a very terrible person soon. I thought i could let go

but hell no. it is so hard until, i feel like chopping that person head off you know ?

ppl around me look at my status, how much education i have am i attached am i rich ?

does that matter ? when they found out that i do not have O lvl for certain ppl

they just look down at me. Fine but i can do some other things that u can't do

hahah .. some just find me for the sake of the things i can do and after that o game over

leave me aside again ..

hahhhaa life suxs i think i write too much today. .

New look !

hey hey !!! new Look new feature :D this is the new beginning of the blog xD

past = past tense .. :P gtg out soon mom is calling for me asking me to bring down the bloody box

xD hhaha

be back later :P

Feeling bitter, damn bitter

let me rewind the story back to last year cosfest.. and u will know why am i feeling damn bitter.

The story goes like this .. i had a close friend her name is adaline i knew her since K2 till now

i wanted to go to cosfest so i went around asking people to go with me be it strangers / friends

so adaline said she would come for BOTH days, she went with me day 1 and we left early as we were leaving she told me that she would appear on day 2

guess what day 2 she flew me airplane.. if she don't feel like coming at least don't keep me waiting for her sms things like that. I called her in the end asking her weather she is coming a not upon knowing that her JAPANESE gal pal couldn't make it to cosfest she herself told me that she do not wish to come as well. fk it i went enjoying cosfest with luna and amanda - that was the first time she pissed me off

2nd time - i asked adaline to go for toy con she told me she would go with me and Luna to toy con

guess what that week itself i call her she told me she is going with her JAPANESE girl pal.

would not go with me .

alright i am pissed.

3rd TIME - i wanted to do the first Lolita photoshoot i asked her if she is intrested to come along as i had said it previously during cosfest (june period) i would organise one she said she want to come. sometime during november she asked me again and i told her the details and etc suddenly she told me that she had a bf who is a photographer which i think is a good thing at that point of time i didn't know any photographer friend and things like that so i told her pls bring her bf to the shoot. guess what 2 week before my photoshoot she sms me things like that OOoo my bf says the timing for ur shoot is not good . bloody hell 10 am is not good for shooting than when is the best time for shoot? than i say no the timing i will stick to the plan next thing her bf is like shit trying to tell me fort canning is not good trying to shift me and the other Lolitas to studio

the thing is since when u go to other ppl's shoot u can change the time and date and venue ?

from there and then on i refuse to talk to her she changed her hp didn't bother to inform me until some shit she need to find out from me than say oh this is my hp no. i think infact i am the last one to know in her list of friends because i am not important to her.

YESTERDAY - she sms me suddenly telling me that she found out that there is EOY which i didn't asked her to go last year she wasn't aware of it until she found out from someone else.

keep bugging me that she want to join me i said i dunnoe if she is able to join us guess wth she wrote in sms? didn't u are some how the leader of the group . Immediately i wrote back

i am not what ever leader in the group i am no one i just form a group of Lolita that's all

she asked me again are u going to cosplay there ? how many zillion of times hella times must i say LOLITA is NOT COSPLAY u blind or what?! u NB . seriously i am damn pissed le nvm ..

i really couldn't take it le .. i wrote this in the sms , " u need me than u find me , ask ur friend to go with u " she replied me her friend went back to jp. than i wrote ask ur bf to go with u

she replied again my bf is going with me he will be my photog u need ?

ha hahaha .. HAHA next thing i replied her no i don't need any more photog. she asked me

why am i so nasty to her am i alright ? i wrote this striaght into her face

ask urself the other time i call u and msg u , Oh my friend is going to event with me my bf this and that now u want to go event go with ur bf / friend u got no one to go with u than u come and find me.

she just wrote i am speechless , i shouldn't say that i am sorry.

does sorry cure ? no. i am seriosly disappointed with her .

MAJOR ARSE HOLE u NB NB NB NB NB

* NB stands for NAh BEH*