Xmas eve

Went out with Vader yesterday, omg he paid for the meal .. He say maybe we should hang out more lol I was saying one day, I want to go bendeemer rd there and get the super spicy chicken wings lol he said next time ask him along lol ... Walking ard in orchard new possession ! Loli parasol in fact this mth I am like broke ? Lol but never the less the sized operation of black alice really impacted me. Hence I bought another parasol and bonnet in remembrance of b.a ... I had a very happy Xmas eve with Vader. Lol one more thing abt him he only remember my name as meow tan lol !!! Wth ~~~

Sunshine or rain lives moves on..

Past few days was raining, sometimes sunny sometimes keep raining .. I had Been thinking for this past few days... And had msg elk as well asking him to help me to claim back my ayu disc as I really don't wish to see his face anymore. Things that are related to him I do not wish to know as well because I'm really really heart broken.
Incident till now he hasn't even send a SMS/ pm / call nothing .. If he really genuinely say that he is my friend and I think too much. Moreover he said it on kuro's wall that it wasn't his fault and on his own wall he wrote if ppl know him well enough he doesn't give ppl false hopes. Ya ya because of my foolishness happy ? I am stupid enough to hang out with u all this times, worry constantly abt u. All I get was a fling, ya w/o any corner stone I am sure u are able to flirt as much as u like. For now wish you all the best and I won't want to keep any memory of u anymore gona delete u away from my brain. Lives moves on, I know u are god damn selfish u won't care abt ppl ard u. U will only care abt urself. Nothing abt urself eh I dun need this kind of friend.

Fail to die ~ I am still awake

Went home drink another 5 bottle of gaba nite and still awake .. Played audition .. Still not happy at all. Yea no one say it is his fault anyway not his fault too .. It is just that he is too selfish. He never think abt me he never care at all I die my problem that's all. Suddenly I realized man is so scary and so selfish ... They dun care how u feel ... They just indulged the attention u gave them endlessly .. If there is someone able to reformat my brain ~ pls reformat it now .. I don't want to remember anything abt him

It just hurts so much

I went home took 5 bottle of sleeping potion, and what ? I am still here writing nonsense why am I still here yea I know he doesn't care at all he won't care heart really ache.

Never forget today ..

Just abt to clarify some stuff guess what don't even need to ask he just bring his gf there and ask me go where tmd win lor no nid to ask. Epic win dun bother to ask dun want to talk to him and I won't mag him anymore

First time in history

First time wear Loli at home dropping tears. I feel emotionally unstable despite I am going to a friend's wedding. Dunnoe even Loli for now doesnt make me happy anymore. Anyway I should have known it earlier, he calls me because he is bored. Probably ppl has new ppl to talk to hang out with ler ... Damn sad. Tmd make up smudged le T.T

haiz

when it is suppose to be a beautiful event and it ended up a shit event ?
just why am i trying so hard, I ended up crying that night.
a simple wish to make everyone happy, B day girl happy but
i was so damn wrong.. it ended up in qurrals. .. . .

everything just turn into dust now.

Sigh ~

headache day

rushing for work, letters deadlines.. even thou i should be relaxed after a public holiday.. hell no.

Friday, sat, sun, Mon i didn't really sleep well. I slept for abt 4 - 5 hrs and woke up everyday at 6 after that i just couldn't fall asleep..

Yes, i am stressed, i know why the reason.. because a friend of mine got into trouble .. I felt v helpless at times .. why can't i help him... why is this happening.. at times i even question myself

why did i not be the bad egg to stop him and her together ? if they wasn't been together than he wouldn't be implicated into this shit..

yes, i rather be the bad egg, anyway Joy is famous for being a bad egg always ..

B is on MC today & tml, finally not so jialat during work. As she is not ard, and no one keep asking me to do this do that at least i have peace :D i can munch my potato chips in peace and no one will come and fight with me on the potato chips :)

Headache from the beginning of the day till now >.< due to little sleep, I was chioning my AFA head dress and it is done now waiting for coming sat ~

depressed ..

sometimes i asked myself why am i trying so hard? At the end of the day, i am still left with nothing .. i mean comeon ... wtf ? I sacrfised my time with family .. i dun even find space to breath anymore? .. Yes. boss is nice to me i agree but B is not. everytime u see her all the bad memories starts to haunts u .. -.- .. seriously ..

today Boss' hubby ask me was i sick on the phone, why am i talking so softly ?

i replied him .. it is because i did something wrong hence when the phone rang, i thought she called me to scold me..

Tim says.. it is normal de la.. working life is like that no matter where u work just that .. u learn from the mistakes.. even if i am not working for my current boss the next time i go other place i will face the same problem .. Tim, sometimes it is not that i wish to say but ur wife really has mood swing.. and the more she scold me the more song she feels that's what i think nah .. hur hur but yes i agree with u go where also the same sometimes buay gum with colleagues but do u know my pain ?

Made a new wish.. i wish to leave this place .. when i have a chance, perhaps next year or so..

seems to be like .. the only thing holding me back will be my boss.. yes she can be the nicest boss but at the same time monster killer.. zzz she cannot tolorate any single mistakes..

stress. . .. stress ... to work under her.. omg ...

Btw haru anniversary party is coming, i hope she receives my email and let me join in the competition ? lol ...

:(

there is no such things as friends in this world. One by one fell against me, where is my true friend?
I guess in the end i dun really have a true friend to me zzzz she restrict me, psyco me, over and over again tries to come and control me. is this what friend is all about ?

Great.

sigh

Little me within me came out and shake my confidence lvl again .. the inner voice is the same feeling that holds me back 7 years ago.. when will i be able to shake off that "little me" ?
sigh i wish and i wish i had never work in the same company .. regretted sort of because things just turn worst than i expected? when u are happily outside she just send u sms. yes nothing wrong with smsing me but the order came direct from her instead of boss ?

that aside .. i never know i have so many Capital B in my life . ahahha.. what to do ? that's life ..
if yesterday was a dream than please wake me up from this nightmare. seriously i am tired and i dun wish to continue in that dream.

for sure of one thing i never enjoy working wif her .

my thoughts

Seriously, if u are thinking that you wants to make decision with it all the time than why bother to consult me? dun bother just execute ur damn plans. anyway i seriously do not wish to spend my bday with u at all .

competition blues

Competiting in my asian fashion, want to win badly why is it so ?
because i need that dress to fight for that dress I will try very hard to gain
votes from the other friends or even strangers.

If i get the dress i will be able to provide the dress to my friend ..... and photoshoot.

so this is how it feels..

the heart that kana stab right in and it shattered into pieces that u won't be able to pick up
it became dust, heart just bleed non stop a sign of betrayal.

Nothing will be able to heal me anymore, it is at the end of the tunnel.
I wish i can get out of here,

now Warren is my only hope giving me a new life.

i need to leave, too many things happened here.

i do not want to stay.

I cried and puke as if my hammie died. R.I.P Joy Lee you are dead long time ago.

Once upon a time u were hurt by the moon

now ur best friend do this to u screaming at u

no matter how good u treat them

it just go down to the drain.

A very bad day

I hate this world i hate hate hate i wish i could just die straight away ! why must i have this kind of friend ? keep being so negative everyday, worrying abt how ppl look how ppl think.

laughing at other ppl.

I really really really hate, hate my family ~ HATE ..

i dun know myself any more i think i am going to collaspe any time ~ i dun know ~

on the verge of madness.

Are u really my friend?

Sometimes i really wonder ~ are u my friend in the first place ?~

it seems to be like the longer i know the more i feel u are another

complete stranger to me. The same person over the years yet changes

in your characteristic, you no longer cares about how others feel

and have no more compassion towards your closest friend.

Are u really my friend? or I had made a mistake for taking you as my friend?

or you are not my friend at all.

Arn't all friends suppose to share sorrows and pain together ?
but you just seems to be like making use of me, one fine day i saw
your true colour. You are no longer my friend, u source for ppl who
are intresting to be with and dump me aside. I doubt you can remember
how we became friends, the process now you tell me to get lost and ignore
me in your OTHER friend's prescence. Had i ever treated you that way ?

I will erase you from my head and will never remember you as my friend any more.
you just want people to hang out with you and you don't want to know what the other
party is facing. You just think abour Yourself that's all III MMEMEMEME
what about "friend" ? no you just make use of her at your own convience.

Now i know i have no value for you to make use of me anymore.

I just HATE HATE everyone in this world.
HATE.

u used to tell me, it takes a lot of effort to hate a person
no now it is effortless to hate you.

you sucks, you are no different from those morrons out there.